I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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