Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
