Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
