1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
