Where is the hickey?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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