Christians are straight up FREAKS
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
