when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
