I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
