some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
