Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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