uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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