I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
