Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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