Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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