I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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