I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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