is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
