watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
