Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
