oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
