That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
