guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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