a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
