Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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