i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
