The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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