I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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