So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
