I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My life is pants optional.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
