I need help removing her.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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