Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
