You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
