So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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