You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
