Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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