o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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