He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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