...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
