wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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