We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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