No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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