We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
