3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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