u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
