Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
