I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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