hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
