can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
