Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
