Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize