So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how drunk are you?
Several
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
