the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
