Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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