apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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