Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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