i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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