take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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