sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize