You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
