Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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