He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize