I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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