I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
