Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
