I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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