K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
