You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
