He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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