and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
