i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize