My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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