I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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