I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
