i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
