those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
