I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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