I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
