Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
