whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
