i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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