His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
