how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I could make wine with my vomit
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
