Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
